Bridging the Divide: Conquering Us vs. Them

A few months ago, my husband and I embarked on an exciting road trip across the country. We picked up an inherited car in Georgia and headed back to California, taking in the variety of landscapes and meeting incredible people along the way. What touched us the most was realizing our shared humanity as Americans. Even though our ideologies, religions, appearances, or styles might vary, our life stories often have so much in common. Whether it's being a firstborn or the youngest in the family, dealing with car troubles, facing natural disasters, or sharing passions like cooking and wine tasting, we discovered that we have more in common than not. Throughout our journey, we found beautiful truths of kindness and curiosity shining through in every state we visited.

Unfortunately, media and politics often highlight a different message. Instead of focusing on the shared “us” in Americans, we’re often pushed toward an “us vs. them" mindset. This way of thinking can devalue and vilify those with opposing opinions. While it stems from our basic drives for survival, identity, and resource competition, it ultimately leads to increased isolation, division, and less empathy among us.

As we head into this holiday weekend and celebrate our country's 250 years of survival and growth, I wanted to share some heartfelt ideas for fostering a bit more understanding and kindness among ourselves.

Identify Commonalities

Back when I was a school counselor, we used icebreakers to help kids connect. One of our favorite activities was “The Line Game.” In this exercise, everyone would line up, and you'd step forward if the statement read aloud was true for you. The leader would say, “Cross the line if…” and then share some identifying statements. We’d start with light-hearted ones like, “if you prefer dogs over cats,” or “if you like Pepsi better than Coke,” or “if you prefer staying up late or waking up early.” As everyone got more comfortable, we’d include more personal ones too, like, “if your parents are divorced,” “if you’ve moved many times,” or “if you’ve ever struggled with a school subject.” During the game, kids would look around and often be surprised to see how others shared similar experiences, such as liking the same favorite drink or facing challenges in school. They would see themselves reflected in others, which always sparked laughter and a sense of shared understanding. It was a wonderful way to build connections.

We don’t need to participate in the game to have the experience. By focusing on common human experiences and values, we foster a deeper sense of connection and empathy. Even simple conversations about shared experiences can create this bond.

Blur the Lines

Life isn't just black or white; most things, people, and situations have rich, nuanced layers that often appear more gray. Our identities are no different, shaped by countless people, experiences, and cultures that define who we truly are. When you see yourself as part of multiple overlapping groups, it becomes easier to connect and understand different perspectives. Remember, it’s important not to oversimplify by placing people into strict categories, because humans are complex and unique.

I hope as you celebrate our country’s birthday, you find commonality with your fellow Americans and celebrate the diversity of yourself and this great country.