Living: The Deathbed Test
In a world filled with frequent overload and overwhelm, we require tools that help us focus on our core needs and desires. The key question is: how can we filter out the noise to uncover what truly matters? When I work with clients, I often ask them to envision their inner five-year-old and eighty-year-old selves. What would the five-year-old want? Chances are, it would be something rooted in joy and play. Conversely, what would their eighty-year-old self seek? Likely actions that foster pride and leave a legacy.
Another self-reflection tool, known as the “deathbed test,” helps clarify important decisions, uncover your core values, and offer long-term insights for current choices. Developed by Dr. William Breitbart, a psychiatrist with expertise in palliative care, psychosomatics, and psycho-oncology, this method has been studied extensively with colleagues to enhance end-of-life experiences by redefining life through legacy, purpose, and meaning. This approach is called Meaning-Centered Psychotherapy. Dr. Breitbart credits Viktor Frankl’s writings, especially Man’s Search for Meaning—which details Frankl’s experiences in a Nazi concentration camp—as a significant influence. Frankl believed that how prisoners envisioned their future and found meaning in their daily routines helped them survive. Both Breitbart and Frankl suggest that the way you interpret and create meaning in your current situation can influence the overall outcome.
Although the “deathbed test' was initially designed for end-of-life patients, it can also be useful for living individuals facing tough choices and seeking to make meaningful life decisions. Let’s give it a try.
Consider these core prompts for guidance:
First, imagine yourself at the end of your life.
Call to mind the question at hand.
Ask yourself - “Will I be mad I did it?”
Ask yourself - “Will I be sad I didn’t do it?
Ask yourself - “Will it even matter?”
This process is helpful in making significant decisions. Should I pursue a promotion at work? Should I ask my current partner to marry me? Should I prioritize the idea of marriage or owning a house? Do I want to have children? Do I wish to move or travel more? Should I make a change in my life to improve my health?
It can also be useful for smaller dilemmas because, when you begin asking the question, you often quickly see that the decision isn't very important. For example, where should I go to dinner tonight? This question tends to fall into the “it doesn’t really matter” category when viewed in the context of your overall life.
The abundance of information today often turns simple choices into dilemmas. I recall a client who argued with a friend about where to eat, and I asked, “Was this going to be your last meal?” They laughed, and this helped us focus on the real issue instead of the trivial matter at hand. Social media, in particular, creates a false narrative that if you aren’t living like the pictures you see, then you are really missing out or making the wrong choices.
Try the “deathbed test” the next time you feel stuck on a decision and see if your core values become clearer.